New Fan Works
Old Fan Works
Hate You, Amy Rose
the Seventh Chaos
S7C: Yes... definitely. Amy is the single most annoying
game character ever. Worse that Navi, worse than Tatl, worse than Peach,
worse that Ash Ketchum. Okay, maybe not Ash... that's a draw.
Anyway, I got mad at Amy while playing Sonic Advance (CURSE
YOU COSMIC ANGEL ZONE BOSS!) so I thought I'd rant for a bit about how
much I hate her... I suppose I should introduce myself... I am known as
Sparky the Seventh Chaos. I'm an insane 14-year-old human female... but
my alter ego is a powerful Pokemon Trainer who happens to be a dragon...
my buddy Buck the Mewtwo usually helps my rant, but I can't find him at
the moment... probably went to South America to look for bananas...
Well, now that you know a bit about me, on with the rant!
Oh, by the way, I'll be giving spoilers to Sonic Adventure
1 & 2... and I guess Sonic Advance... though I don't know how you can
give a spoiler to a game with no plot...
I was first introduced to Amy in the AWESOME Dreamcast
game Sonic Adventure. I hadn't seen my buddy Sonic in awhile, and I was
having lots of fun and bouts of nostalgia... when Amy showed up. See, Amy
thinks she's Sonic's girlfriend. She isn't. Sonic's scared of her, and
frankly I don't blame him... she's creepy... anyhow, my initial reaction
was "WHAT?! Where's Sally?!" (Sonic's girlfriend from the original TV.
show... curse whoever canceled it... CURSE THEM!) I agreed wholeheartedly
with Sonic's comment of "That girl is such a pain..." after I was forced
to play three levels and a boss as her... grrrrrrr... for those of you
who haven't played Sonic Adventure... Amy's voice samples are worse that
Navi. That's right. Worse than "HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!" every time you Z-target.
And for those who have... I hate fishing. However, I liked Big the Cat
better than Amy. I like the character, kitties are cool, and I enjoyed
his theme song. Amy's theme makes me very grateful for the invention of
the mute button. It was worth it, though, for the closing image on her
game (Muhaha, groceries go bye-bye!) and Super Sonic vs. Perfect Chaos...
I LOVE THAT BOSS!
Now, in Sonic Adventure 2, Amy is non-playable. (YAY!)
However, she's still in the game with her over-cheerfulness and stalking
of Sonic... poor Sonic. He should get a restraining order. I like those
reminder thingies that you get when you quit and restart... in fact, I've
seen them all... erm, a glitch with the Dreamcast version made it really
hard to get the past-cool theme song "Live and Learn," so I had to play
the game through THREE BLOODY TIMES to get it... anyway, I cracked up at
Sonic's comment in the one right before Crazy Gadget: "Eggman said he'll
trade Amy for the Chaos Emerald... I have to think about that one!" Hehehe...
right on, Sonikku...
I have to admit, though, Amy proved she's good for SOMETHING
when she jogged Shadow's memory about Maria's final wish... poor Shadow.
That guy has/had problems... HE CHAOS CONTROLLED AT THE LAST SECOND, I
TELL YOU!!! ...If that didn't make sense... there's a debate going on about
SA2's ending... see, Shadow redeemed himself at the very end by helping
Sonic save the world... unfortunately, he fell into the atmosphere... some
people say he simply died in a raging fireball of doom... however, in Sonic
and Shadow's final levels, if you fall into the atmosphere (space levels,
so it's basically a prettier version of the Bottomless Black Pits of Doom)
they really DO catch fire and burn up... however Shadow at the end had
a green thingie that looked suspiciously like Chaos Control... (Shadow's
special ability that Sonic can also do: basically a teleport) I think he
survived... besides, Shadow's too cool a character to kill off. ^_^
BTM: (Teleport) SHADOW! Sparky talking about Shadow?
S7C: Hey, Buck... I'm ranting about Amy, actually...
I kinda got sidetracked... where the heck were were you?
BTM: BANANAS! Erm... yeah. I MUST PLAY MELEE NOW!
(Goes to game room)
S7C: Yeah... That was my buddy Buck the Mewtwo.
He's nuts, and seems to be hyper right now. He's obsessed with bananas,
of all things...
Anyhow, Where was I? Ah yes. In Sonic Advance, Amy is
once again playable. And in order to get the Super Special Super Sonic
Ending, you have to beat the game as all four characters: Sonic, Tails,
Knuckles... and Amy. And get all the Chaos Emeralds. And may I just say
that the Chaos Emerald mini-game in Sonic Advance is THE WORST ONE EVER?!
Okay, so it's slightly more fun that the one for the very first Sonic...
but that was the very first game ever, so it gets bonus points. Yep, Dr.
Robuttnic certainly did it this time... only a mad genius like him could
come up with forcing the Sonic Team to snow board through a Swirling Vortex
of Doom... I want the one from Sonic 3 back... that one was fun... Erm,
back on topic... even without her oh-so-annoying voice, Amy's a real pain
in the butt... She can't roll into a ball, she doesn't listen half the
time you tell
her to do the Midair Hammer Spinny Thing, and she's slow as... a very
slow thing as compared to the other three! STUPID BLOODY COSMIC ANGEL
ZONE BOSS! Grrrrrr...
BTM: CURSE YOU, SPOOTY EVENT MATCH A.I.! CURSE YOUUUUUUU!!!
S7C: Uh-oh... Well, that's all I really have to
say... and I'd better get to Buck before he breaks the Gamecube... so,
readers, I hope I frightened you -er- taught you a valuable lesson:
"He was what he was: a brave and heroic hedgehog..."
Wait... that's not right...
"Maria... watch me. I will fulfill your wish!"
"I'M DANCIN' LIKE A MONKEY!"
...ah yes, now I remember!
I hate Amy Rose and think you should to!
Thank you, and good night (or good
morning, afternoon, evening, whatever... wait, aren't those greetings?