Reviewer: Anonymous
Anonymous 
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Date: May 27, 2011 1:45 PM
Title: Chapter 34: ...Happily Ever After
This was a very hard fanfic to read. The main reason for this was because every chapter lacked proper formatting. Would it really kill you to hit the "Enter" key more? I have many complaints about this fanfic, but this was by far what bugged me the most. For example, dialogue like this is hard to read:
"Watch out!" he screamed. "I shall!" She said. "Oh, I shall." "Good." he smiled.
When you have dialogue bunched together like that, it is not only hard to read, but it also makes it impossible to tell who's saying which line. The proper formatting would be like this:
"Watch out!" he screamed.
"I shall!" She said. "Oh, I shall."
"Good." he smiled.
Also, whenever you go into detail about something, you should always make a new paragraph whenever you change topics. For example, this next paragrpah, could be split in two:
'The Sunrise looked like a distant memory in the distance. The rays of the sun rippled across her hair. The Sun illuminated her cheeks so that they looked even rosier than ever. Suddenly a big stormcloud covered the sky, and began to make it pour heavily. He came over to her with a large leaf to shelter her from the rain.'
The proper format would be as follows:
'The Sunrise looked like a distant memory in the distance. The rays of the sun rippled across her hair. The Sun illuminated her cheeks so that they looked even rosier than ever.
Suddenly a big stormcloud covered the sky, and began to make it pour heavily. He came over to her with a large leaf to shelter her from the rain.'
Please, please, please, please, PLEASE take what I just said into consideration. If you do, then this fanfic, and any future fanfics you may write will be ten billion times easier to read.
