Anyone ever hear of that campfire game? The one where someone starts a story then another person takes it up. Well that’s what I’ve done in these stories. My brothers and I wrote these and got a pretty good laugh out of them. We didn’t mean to offend anyone so if you are easily offended or don’t have a sense of humor then don’t read them. I don’t need any flames complaining that I insulted their favorite singer or something.

Attack of the Poser

Link went into the lost woods because you know he like needed hearts because he had just lost and ugly battle with Ganon. Anyway he decided to play Saria’s Song for the skull kid cause he wanted his heart piece. But just then Saria came in, “Link you haven’t come to visit me at all!” but just then the skull kid spoke.
“Do you know who I am?!”
“Uhh NO!”
“Hey Link isn’t that Jessica Simpson’s sister?”
“Ugh I’m Ashley!”
“Shoot her quick!” but it was too late...she disappeared and from the castle they could see...smoke! “Is she putting on a concert?”
“Saria how stupid are you? Number one she’s a poser, number two she’s related to Jessica Simpson...she’s obviously burning people and setting fire to the castle.”
“Too shay Mr. Zelda...”
“Shut up before I kill you!”

They ran off to the caslte to find it in nothing but a heap of charred ashes. “Oh great now where am I gonna live?” Zelda complained. But Link was more concerned with the whereabouts of the renegade pop singer. They heard the faint sound of square dance music coming from Lon Lon Ranch. They took off towards there to find Ashley having a ho down while holding the residents of the ranch hostage.

“Link we have to stop her! Link? Link stop ho downing and get your ass over here!” but it was to late Link died...Ha ha just kidding! What kind of a game would it be without Link? “Now kick her ass Link!” but Ingo beat him to it.
“Damn poser get off my lawn!” screamed Ingo. Ingo killed Ashley Simpson!
“Good job you offly peculiar Luigi looking son of a bitch!” haza and Link still gets praised for Ingo’s work.

Attack of the Poser II

Link was walking down Hyrule Market when he saw something incredibly ugly. It had fake blonde hair with the brown roots showing and horrible black hair extensions. What ever it was it didn’t have the balls to really die its hair. And its face was like every horror he had ever seen in his life. “Oh my goddesses it’s Hilary Duff! And she’s not airbrushed, the horror!”

Just then the Hyrule guards came and arrested her instantly. But no they weren’t just any police force, they were the Fashion Police! *thunder and lightning* Anyway they arrested her for the crime of being a fat ass in a none fat ass zone. Her punishment after the court case was to have the fat sucked dry out of her.

“Link,” said Zelda, “do you think her ass is better then mine?” but Link said,
“The only man who could like her ass would be a ghetto man...a very ghetto man *thumbs up* well after the incident of her hard core punk style every punk dude was going after her chanting “Bring back Dead Kennedy’s!” bad news for Hilary and her lack of fat...

But Hilary wanted to be on thing...the next Baby Spice! Because of her baby far. Buuuuut she wasn’t British and had the fat sucked out of her. Hyrule had an even bigger problem. She wouldn’t stop eating! Every one knew that Link the Hero of Time would face this new foe. But on one condition: he wouldn’t have to touch her at all. Link took her on. But then the war wagon came to Zelda’s house with Link’s body. Soon after that Hilary came to put on a concert and killed everyone with her voice.

Behind the Music: The Hero and Sages

Link was hanging with his friends bored as usual, “Boy I really want to go see a Misfits concert. But some of them are dead...HEY I’VE GOT IT! We can all start a band!” Link exclaimed.
“Yeah we can be all cool and get groupies!” Daurina agreed.
“Ok we need positions, ok hmm...Zelda on guitar! Me on lead guitar, Impa on base, and Daurina on drums.
“What about us?” complained Ruto, Nabooru, and Saria.
“You guys can be back up singers or something.”

They started the band and called it the Hero...and Sages. They began playing local festivals and various places around Hyrule. Soon they became world famous. But fame always has its price. The band soon developed internal problems. Daurina got addicted to Bomb Flowers (a very dangerous drug). He also got drunk and would often go rolling causing many accidents. He cheated death many times. Impa tried to break out in a solo carrier but unfortunately the only bass player that ever did that was Paul McCartney.

Link cheated on Zelda with Malon *Gasp!* how scandalous! And Naburoo and Ruto decided they wanted to do their own little thang!

They mad a sex tape with the infamous sex tape vet and drummer of Motley Crue, Tommy Lee! Since Ruto was underage Tommy was charged with having sex with a minor (not to mention someone out of his own species) and was thrown in jail...again. Naburoo had to live with the humiliation of having a sex tape and her relationship with Tommy did not last. The band tried to stay together but drugs and ego blew them apart. Twenty years later their record company threw thousands of rupees at them to have a reunion tour. They agreed and fans wnet to their shows to spite having to pay ridiculous amounts of cash for tickets.

Peanut Butter

One day Link was walking through Hyrule field. It was a lovely day, the birds were chirping, the sun was out...nothing could be more perfect. He was off to see his good friend, Zelda. But just down the path he saw something strange.

It was a pickle. Mmm pickles sure are gewd! Even better with peanut butter! Lucky for him Navi the fairy was 60% peanut butter. “Come here Navi.”

He bottled her up. “You’re gonna make me a happy man...”
“Link no!” she yelled in her tiny fairy voice. But her was already holding the bottle over his open mouth.

With all her might she tried to stop herself from falling in. But she forgot she could fly. Navi forgot a lot of things, like to tell Link his grandma had died and he was going to have to go to her funeral. When Navi fell into his mouth she did not know what to do. Then Navi remembered she was also 40% methane gas. So she did the only thing she could think of. She ripped ass in Link’s mouth. Link let out a cry and started wheezing and fell on the ground. “Oh my goddess, please I need mouth wash. Navi go to the market and get me some!” but Navi only sighed.

ESRB

One day when a young boy in a forest got a fairy he was summoned to go see the Great Deku Tree. He was having dreams the night before. I guess they were wet dreams or something because if you replay the footage

Link and Zelda can be seen having raunchy sex in the background... Dude this is in complete violation of our ESRB rating, change of story now!

“No way man! This is just getting good!” Link yelled to the ESRB people but it was too late. They changed the game to

The Chronicles of Narnia!!! (plus Link and some stupid fairy) “Oh that’s better!” said the ESRB people. “Now we can have him meet that bird guy, Merlin...”
“Oh yeah that’s great...little children watching dragons lose their heads to Excalibur...”
“Hmm... I like the wet dream better...at least I can jerk off to that.”
“Also in violating out rating!”
“Fiiiiiiiine how bout that pickle story...are you implying something with that pickle?”
“You guys are horny bastards...I’m going home!” and Link went back to his dream.

Oh I Don’t Know

Link frantically jumped up and down with joy while screaming, “I GOT LAID!!!”

Zelda listened to this from her estate on Hyrule Hill and yelled,

“Shut up! Don’t let all of Hyrule know!” but he was already running through the town to find his buddies in the bar. He busted through the door like the Kool-Aid guy exclaiming,
“Hey guys, guess who just got laid?”

“It starts with an L and ends with K.”
“Oh was it Lumpy Dumpy the Cool Cat of Lunky?”
“That doesn’t make sense though, let’s go with Link and see what happens...” BAD IDEA.

“Say WHAT?! You mean with a girl? We thought you were gay!”
“No way man. I just took away Zelda’s virginity.” The guys all laughed.
“Yeah right her virginity was taken away a long time ago.”
“Ah hell no!” link whipped out his word and cut all their heads off.

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so that concludes this collection of one shots...how'd ya like them? well i thought they were funny. Anyway i might do more of these and i figured these would hold ppl off until i could get the next chapter of A Modern Adventure up. ok i'm rambling cya:P

A war had over taken Hyrule and one mother and her baby boy had escaped the flames and ended up at a place called Kokiri Forest. And there were a bunch of children who lived alone. She went to the great Deku Tree, “Save my baby. Oh hi children.”
“Children what do you say?”
“Are you my mommy.”

Years passed and the boy grew older. But all the kids in the forest stayed young. Link began to wonder why he was 17 and all the others were still kids. Let’s see I’m living in a forest where no one ever grows up, I’m wearing all green, and there are fairies everywhere... I got it! this must be Neverland and I must be Michael Jackson!

That can’t be I’ve got a dick for god’s sake and I’m attracted to little girls not boys...at least I aint that son of a bitch. Ah ha! I must be Charles Manson!

I feel like an idiot in this green tunic. For god’s sake I’m 17 and I’m wearing tights. What is my purpose in this damn forest?

So what is Link’s true purpose...well I dunno I got lost at the Neverland part.

One day the Zelda crew decided to go to a concert. They were all moshing and having fun when Gannondorf came and crashed their party.

“I wanna mosh too!” he exclaimed.
“You can’t” Link told him, “now go over there and kidnap Zelda like you’re supposed to. Then I can save her and make sweet sweet love to her.”

“No!” yelled Gannon. “It’s my turn to screw her!”
“But it’s not in your contract,” said Link

“Besides Zelda doesn’t like guys who are big green and have red hair. I however was blessed with blonde hair.”
“Is this conversation going anywhere?”

“No. but it’s okay I can sense everything in that room...cept what’s going on with Zelda and the windows.” Link babbled.
“My goddess you’re stupid. This isn’t going anywhere either...hey where’s Gannon?”
“Quick Impa, lightsabers ON! George Lucas is gonna sue our asses.”

“Wait where did Zelda go?” they all looked around. they went back stage and found her in bed with the lead singer of the band. “Zelda what is going on?”
“I’ve got something to tell you...I’m a groupie. I’ve screwed more rock stars then Napster.”

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so I think that might be it for the random stuff for a while. I'm going back to work on my other story. Yeah I think I'll be safe doing that. I don't know why but as soon as I put this crap up everyone seemed to go in a frenzi about random things. I never thought something so stupid could cause so much trouble. Anyway thank you for your time and I'll see ya when i see ya.