Deadly the Eternal wrote:* When Link first met Akki, what exactly did Akki mean when he said that he was 'once' referred to by that name? I don't know if you want that to mean anything special, but it did stick out to me a bit. Link mentions Akki to his father and he reveals that 'Akki' means 'demon' in another language, yet Link doesn't mention that one thing about him. I'd like to know if it means anything, as Akki's character seems to have ties with Majora in some way (or it's just Majora trying to screw with his mind as Voldemort has done to Harry). Speaking of which, is there a certain time in the middle of the story when Link and Majora make some kind of unofficial contact, or is that (an official contact) not until closer to the end? If Akki is tied to Majora, then that must mean that Majora can do things outside his world other than merely taking the form of a spirit and interacting with select individuals.
Deadly the Eternal wrote:* I feel that Keizen's collection of each of the stones could have a little more challenge to them, but not too much because of his new powers. His difficulty with obtaining the Goron's Ruby seemed sufficient, so I'll leave that alone. In fact, I like how you used the surroundings of the Gorons' dwelling to hinder Keizen's powers. Such a technique here could leave him frustrated and questioning his own ability to complete the quest in spite of his powers. After all, he assumed it was going to be a "simple fetch-quest," and as Majora has already razzed him at different times due to his greed, the same thing could work here so that he can more dynamically change into a good character over time (assuming that this is just what you plan on doing with him after Batai mentioned this briefly).
Deadly the Eternal wrote:* I think you could've expanded more on Double Zelda's presence in some way here. As they were being served by her and she was obviously busy, nothing more could be done there. However, maybe some time after this scene, Double Zelda could be on her break and decide to find the group outside. Here, Double Zelda could talk more about herself and even express more curiosity towards her similar appearances to Zelda (of course the group will choose not to tell her exactly why this is). This whole expansion here or whatever you want to call it could be similar to the group's meeting with Romani and Cremia, as they're also doubles of Malon and Solo. Since Double Zelda may be quite important (after all, she is Zelda's double), she should appear less-static but not as dynamic as Keizen. If it's not done close to the restaurant scene, it could be done at another time.
Deadly the Eternal wrote:* Is there a reason why Link's friends were mysteriously teleported to the same world as Link almost at the same time? Unless this has to do with Link and Zelda's teleportation powers or the way they were teleported previously in A Future Past, I feel that there could be something added here to make this transition seem not so random. I see that this could have to do with Zelda sensing Link being in danger, though. This made me think back to a similar part in Forever Can End In Seconds when Solo sensed Link being in danger and knew right where to find him. In this part of the current story, I think you could do something similar to this to add more strength to the rising action here. Maybe they find a way to Termina through the original route, or maybe someone makes contact with them and sends them to the right place. Something like that.
The whole Akki scene is one that I'm still debating whether I should leave it in or cut it. It was originally meant to parallel the other dream-like visions Link has had in my other stories, but with a sinister motive. I thought it was rather obvious, but I will say as a matter of fact that Akki is Majora appearing to Link in a vision. He wants Link for a very specific purpose, which will be revealed later. Link and Majora will definitely meet, but it will be more towards the end. Majora himself can't do much to affect the outside world directly. The vision was Majora taking advantage of Link's receptiveness to psychic visions.
Most of Keizen's scenes were general outlines. I plan on going back and expanding each scene, as well as adding new ones. When I started writing, it was easier to write the main characters first. Keizen's antics will definitely be given more weight. Right now I'm just still debating exactly what I want him to do. The whole idea of Keizen was to hypothesize about what Link would become if he was the one left poor and homeless. The whole non-character of Dark Link seems to be popular in fan fiction circles, so I decided to do my version of Dark Link. Except he's not necessarily evil, he's just misguided and a victim of circumstances. He is blinded by greed, but is not inherently evil. I simply can't fathom a double of Link being pure evil.
Zelda's double, Jade, will definitely come into play later. I have very specific plans for some of the doubles, and the main plot will revolve around that. Everything I did and plan to do with Romani is just for fun. I always thought her character was weird, so I ramped up the weirdness in this story. She will continue to be insane. But the other doubles, Jade, Mei, and Keizen have a very specific arc in this story. I hinted at it in one scene, but I don't know how obvious it was.
There is a very specific reason why Link, Zelda, and Solo got taken into Termina. As I hinted at in previous stories, there is something very important about those three. The others, Railan, Lily, and Malon were basically taken to Termina because of their proximity to the others. Majora looking for the Spiritual Stones is only the tip of the iceberg. While Batai explained Majora's general plan, there's a little more to it than that. Majora is not someone who does unnecessary things. Everything happened for a reason.
Deadly the Eternal wrote:Anyway, I think I sort of didn't do myself enough justice with this story by not having played the actual game yet.
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