Reviewer: Hyperlink Signed [
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Date: Jul 16, 2007 11:29 PM
Title: Chapter 1
Hah, this reminds me of the movie "the Departed", making the social rejects do the dirty jobs for the government. Not too bad so far, you could have a little more scenario detail to give the reader a stronger visual basis, but you need to be more clear at what is going on. For instance, there is no mention at all of who Jerome was talking to - obviously a servant, but was it? Also, perhaps instead of just saying "a strange man" you could be more specific and say "a man weraing a strange uniform" or "with a strange, discolored face." Hopefully I have been helpful, keep working at it!
