By: Red Sparrow (Sorta...)
One day t3h link ish walkingh in da forest!!! 1 24e And then he saw Ganon!!!11
Then they fought!!! And L1nk WON!!
“Argoh!!” Ganon cried, and he died.
“Th4nk U, Link!!” Zelda said. “Make Love 2 m3!!!”
“y3S, Zelda I will!!!” Link said trumpet.
Them. All T3h 0th3r chicks 0f Hyrule c4m3 and made L1nk the dad!!!
Zelda eyed Link carefully as she finished what was by far the WORST group of words...and numbers...ever.
“...Link?” Zelda said slowly, putting down the piece of paper. “Yes?” Link asked, “Did you like it? I found that I have a knack for writing! Doesn’t it just pull you in? My favorite part was when I won!!”
Zelda sighed, “Look, I don’t want to...uhm...hurt your feelings but...Well, bare with me for a bit...this is a tad hard for me to say.” Link nodded slowly and asked, “Well?”
“Uhm...” Zelda bit her lip, trying to think up the kindest words she could come up with, “...That was the WORST piece of crap-writing I have EVER read. And what is ‘Link said trumpet’? I think you were going for triumphantly. And there are numbers that aren’t supposed to be there! And, above all, the ending was VERY offensive.”
Link looked hurt, “What...?”
Zelda sighed again, “You heard me...I really don’t want to repeat that again.”
Link narrowed his eyes, “But...but...YOU SUCK, TOO!!!”
Zelda frowned, “Don’t lash out at me just because YOU can’t write!”
Link countered, “Oh, yeah? Well...uhm... ‘crap-writing’ isn’t even a real word!!”
Zelda wore an angry face, “Why you...I am a well educated Hylian Princess, I’m surprised you even knew that wasn’t an actual word, you little-”
Suddenly they were interrupted as Ganondorf kicked down the door, “AHA!!!! I have come for the Princess!!!” Link and Zelda looked at Ganondorf for a moment and then continued arguing as if he wasn’t there.
Ganondorf raised a brow, “...HEY!!! Pay attention, dammit!”
He was still ignored.
“HEY!!! Fairy Boy and Princess!!! I—”
“-SHUT UP!!!” Link and Zelda shouted at Ganondorf together.
Ganondorf looked shocked, “Uhm...is this a bad time? I can come back later...” Link and Zelda turned back to each other and continued arguing.
Ganondorf sighed and opened the door, he looked down the hall at his minions, “Alright, people, the fights been cancelled, pick up your things and go home!”
He was met by sounds of disappointment...and a few sad growls and hisses.
After Ganondorf left, the author, which in a clichéd action, interrupts the story “Hey, people...can you both stop arguing?”
Link and Zelda glances at the author, “NO!!!”
Red Sparrow grew angry and shouted, “Hey! I’m the author and I DEMAND that you pay attention to me!” Zelda looks at the author, “I refuse to listen to anyone who names himself after a bird.”
Link joined in, “Yeah...and where’d you ever see a red sparrow before?”
The author twiddled his thumbs and said softly, “Well...I uhm...I like the color red...and a sparrow sings, and the game has music and you’re a dummy-face!!”
Zelda raised a brow, “...dummy-face?”
The author sighs, “How about you both shut up or I’ll use my powers as an author and instantly light you all on fire?”
“Aha!” Link laughed, “I’m in my Goron’s Tunic!!” suddenly, Link bursts in flames, “AHHH!!!!!!”
Then, as suddenly as it started, the fire stopped and Link was revert back to normal. Link curled up into a ball and rolled around back and forth sucking his thumb.
Link suddenly stood up and smiled menacingly at the author, “Sparrow, I am your FATHER!!!”
Sparrow woke up in a cold sweat. He glances at the clock on the side of his bed, “...man, what a nightmare...” he glances at to his left to see a figure under the covers. Sparrow pulls off the blanket and Ganondorf sits up laughing, “AHHHH!!”
Sparrow sits up screaming, “...A nightmare?”
Ganondorf sits up next to him in bed, “You ok, honey?”
Sparrow screamed again.