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Link snuck up on Malon very softly and slowly. She never knew that the man she was thinking about was right behind her.

Malon had been busting her ass all day on that ranch. She was wishing that when it came time to settle down at night, she had Link around to keep her company. It could get cold sometimes in that upstairs room. There were many a night she wished he could come out to be with her, to sleep beside her. She was lonely a lot of the time. Link did stop by as often as he could, but she wanted more. A lot more.

Link was within arm's reach of Malon. He grinned to himself as he reached out to put his arms around her waist. He had it all planned out in his hed. He would hug her gently, and rest his head on her shoulder. She'd turn her head to meet him and give him that beautiful smile that always melted him. Then, they would share a very passionate kiss. After that, well, Link didn't want to do it all at once.

Link's arms were almost around Malon. In one split second she would feel his warmth. But Link soon felt something completely different. Link slipped on a wet spot on the floor, and fell right to his ass. Of course, given his close proximity to Malon, she was brought down right with him. She landed on top of Link, facing him.

"Well...hello." Malon gave Link that melting smile.

"Uh...hey." Link was pretty embarassed. His cheeks were blusing beet red.

Malon kissed Link on the cheek and got up. Link kipped up to his feet and dusted himself off. "You okay?" He put his hands on Malon's sides.

"I'm fine. I didn't know you were coming, or I'd have dressed better."

"Don't worry, you're more than good enough like this."

Link and Malon embraced tightly. Malon slipped her hands into Link's. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Malon pulled back a bit, still holding on to Link's hands. "So...whatcha got?"

Link smiled. "Oh...I have a little bit on me..."

Link and Malon were lying on their backs. Lake Hylia was a very peaceful and gorgeous place at night. The stars were shining brighter than usual, and the full moon shone brilliantly over the still, calm water. Link was holding a nice peace pipe. It was about two feet long, and made of all wood. He had painted several designs on it: a Triforce, the three Spiritual Stones, and the crest that was on his shield. He took a giant hit that had to last about ten seconds. He held it in, held it in, held it in, and couldn't anymore. A giant cloud of smoke billowed from his nose and mouth as he coughed violently. Malon smiled a little bit as she leaned up to make sure he wasn't dying. Link laid back down and grinned from ear-to-ear.

"God, I'm stoned."

Malon took a much smaller hit and didn't cough it all up. She exhaled nothing but air. "Me too." Link had started smoking pot in Termina. He found it for sale at the Curiosity Shop one night. This wasn't during his travels when he fought Majora, but a few years after. The fifteen year old Link had no idea what the hell he was doing. He bought the bag for a cheap price. Ten Rupees. Link got home and tried it...and he'd been smoking pot ever since. Back in Hyrule, weed was almost impossible to find. Malon tried it with him, and the two of them had been getting stoned together ever since. They didn't do it every day, it was one of those once-a-month type deals. But, man, was that once a month special.

"Hey, Link."


"I was just thinking..."

Silence for about thirty seconds. Malon then laid back down.

"Still thinking?"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm high."

"So am I, what's your point?"

"I could really go for some chicken right now."

"The kind you pour beer all over and roast over an open fire?"

"No, the kind you put salt and pepper on and throw into an oven."

"Ah. Well, I guess we have led different lives when it came to food."

"Yeah...I never really did think about it until I started getting the munchies."

"I've always been hungry."

"I've noticed. You eat more than my dad."

"Well, I have a very fast metabolism cused by my passion for physical overexertion."

Malon turned back over and stared at him.


Link rolled over and looked at Malon in the eyes.

"Never mind."

Malon smiled back as Link held her hand.

"So, what do you wanna do now?"

"Hmmm...I don't know, fairy boy." Link's ears turned red.

"That still embarasses you?"

Link blushed. "Sometimes."

Malon kissed Link's cheek. "I got an idea."


Epona rode furiously through the streets of Kakariko Village. Link readied another egg in his slingshot. He knew he was too old to be using it, but he was so high he didn't care. He pulled back, and shot the egg right for a chicken. It hit it in the back, breaking all over the place.


"Nice shot, baby. My turn!" Malon loaded the slingshot with an egg. "Hey, Link, it's funny...we're shooting their own kids at them!"

"We're baby killers!" They both laughed out loud. Malon readied her shot, and missed the chicken...only to hit the guard stationed outside the gate.

"Aw, FUCK! Move it! We are so busted!" Link yanked on Epona's reigns. The guard gave chase on foot for a while, but was no match for Epona. A second guard, probably a supervising officer, was right behind him.

"Who the hell was that, Oceyn?"

"I don't know, sir. They were shooting eggs out of a slingshot."

"Probably some stupid kids. Let's get back to keeping watch."

"Yes sir." Oceyn was a new member of the Hylian Armed Forces. He was a sentry for his hometown of Kakariko Village. "Sir, any new news concerning the invasion?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"I've heard rumors we're outnumbered twentyfold. Maybe more. And we're surrounded on both sides."

"I don't know. Just stay vigilant, Oceyn."

"Yes sir." The young sentry wiped egg from his armor, and returned to his sentry duty.

"I had a nice time tonight, Link." Link and Malon were standing at the door to Lon Lon Ranch's exit. Malon slipped her arms around Link's neck. "When do you think you'll be back? Hopefully for my birthday..."

Link hadn't broken the news to her. He figured he might as well do it now. "Malon...there's something going down this week. Something big. And...I'm going to be away on your birthday. I'm sorry, I can't do anything about it. I'm needed to protect the forest. I'm the only one who can do it."

Malon looked away. She was really looking forward to being with Link on her seventeenth birthday. "I...I understand."

Link took her face into his hands, gently pushing her chin up. "'ll all be okay. As soon as it's over, I'll be on my way right here. Okay?"

Malon smiled very weakly. "What...what's going on?"

"I'm not allowed to talk about it."

"Okay...I...I understand. It's one of tose top secret type deals."

Link nodded. "It'll all be okay. I'll see you later." Link leaned forward. Malon leaned up. They kissed. Link ran his hands through Malon's hair. She rested her head on his, rubbing his neck and back. "Bye, Malon."

"Bye, Link." Malon and Epona went back inside the ranch. Link turned to leave. He got outside the ranch, and readied his Ocarina. He didn't want Malon knowing he could use magic. He played the Minuet of Forest, and was back in front of the Forest Temple. He began the short trip back home.


"Princess Zelda...we found and killed ten soldiers invading the Spirit Temple. They would not talk about their orders or plans. They resisted, but were no match for us Gerudos. They are formidable fighters, but once isolated and individualized they are defeatable. The problem is, in sheer numbers they will tear us apart."

Nabooru's report was shocking to Zelda and Impa. "Son of a bitch, Princess..."

"I guess this means war."

"We have began fortifying the desert and the Gerudo lands. However, there is only so much we can do with out limited personnel."

All of a sudden, a Zora came rushing in.

"Princess Zelda! News from the seas!"

Zelda was handed an envelope. She opened it and began to read aloud.

"Enemy ships sighted inside Hyrule waters. Anchored fifteen hundred feet from land. Thirty-six miles upriver to Kakariko Village." Zelda dropped the paper. "SHIT."

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