Hyrule Turns Ghetto
DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT SUPPORT VIOLENCE. WE LIKE GUN CONTROL AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP. SEE? WE WERE TASTEFUL THERE. WE COULD HAVE SAID, “SHIT” BUT WE DIDN’T.
Once upon a time, in the land of Hyrule, a great change occurred. In accordance to all the popular things on TV, princess Zelda decreed that Hyrule shall become a ghetto! Or rather, everyone turn gangsta.
“Yo, what up Z-dawg?!” exclaimed Link as he walked up to Zelda sporting his NEW attire. Which was comprised of baggy pants, (for the first time) a white muscle shirt, a pair of G-units, and a green hat to the side. Link and Zelda did thurr secret hand shake: a punch to the arm, a hug, and slapped each other’s ass.
“Nuttin’ Steve,” said Zelda in response to the earlier question. “Yo, you ready to go to Homie G’s crib to whoop his punk ass to the next moon?!” Zelda was wearing skin tight shorts that showed half her ass, boots that came up to her knees (black leather, and 9-inch heels) with her blue top saying “Baby Phat”.
“Fo shizzle”. Steve replied. The pair got into there massive horse drawn carriage with 25-inch chrome rims, a pair of big black fuzzy dice, hydraulics, and an automatic red potion maker. It was big pimpin, bling blinginest carriage in all of Hyrule. So eventually they arrived at the desert where Homie G’s crib was. Steve pounded on the door and then realizing that all the Gerudo’s turned into hookers. One of them approached Steve and asked, “Yo, you want a good time, big boy?” and started to grope him in obvious places.
Z-dawg was mad as hell! She bitch slapped her while saying, “Back off, skanky ass whore!” The Gerudo backed off and said, “Oh no you di’int!” while snapping her fingers in a “Z” formation. Z-dawg returned the snap by placing her hands on her hips and said, “Oh yes I did! So if you wanna piece a dis sexy mamma, you betta think again, cause I’ll be here backing up his booty. Uhn!” Z-dawg movin her head and hand forward in a threatening motion.
The Gerudo rolled her eyes and walked away. “Whatever. I’m goin a tell big daddy G bout dis. Then you’ll get it in the ass, biotch!”
“Good, I like it like dat!”
“What?!” Steve suddenly looked very turned on and asked if there was a room anywhere near here. Z-dawg raised her eye brow and said, “Not now, Steve! We gotta go kick Homie G’s ass!” Steve nodded and followed the woman into the huge stone fortress, walking with the gangsta’s trademark strut: a crotch grab with head bobbing.
Minutes later after roaming the hallways, the two came upon a room with furs piled on a large bed. Not only the lavish furs, but numerous women and in the midst of them was Homie G sporting an enormous hat with a feather in it.
“Yo, pig fucka we he! You ready to rumble, bitch?” bellowed Steve. Homie G looked up and said, “What the fuck, man? I was about to get it too, man. Shit. Well ladies, I’ll see you latuh. I gotta beat this motha fucka’s ass.” G got up and put on a 100% mink coat along with a snakeskin belt. Apparently, he was the pimp of the Gerudo hookers. Steve prepared for battle by pulling out his pistol. Homie G whipped out his big, long, thick, diamond tipped and encrusted pimp cane. “Bring it, bitch.”
“I don know! That’s what they always say before a showdown.”
“Oh. Well I brought it!” Steve fired off a few rounds of his gun, nailing Homie in the chest. Homie put his hand on the afflicted spots and began to cough blood. “Damn, man. I never meant to kill anyone. I only wanted to have a pimpin empire to be proud of. Now I got nothin, man. Fuck. Fuck you right in the ear!” with his final words, Homie G, the greatest pimp of all Hyrule, fell.
“So now what do we do? The gangstas on TV always get away now. But everyone wanted Homie G dead.” Z-dawg said.
“Wanna screw?” Steve and Z-dawg shrugged and fell to the bed, passionately making love.
The moral of the story: Guns are bad, mm’kay? Drugs are better! And violence is the best! Yay violence!!! And if your leader changes the country to be gangsta, change your name to Steve, just like Link, cause Steve is the most ghetto name ever. NOT REALLY!!! -HYRULE TRASH 64 and Aryll Windwaker