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Imagine yourself the psychiatrist and Link is your client, if you're having trouble understanding the situation as you read it. Oh, also, some twilight princess spoilers in here too, but they're kind of hard to find. So, I wouldn't be too worried about it.

Okay. This guy just doesn't know when to stop. For all you people that have played me before, multiple times that is, I think you know what I'm talking about. I really don't know, I have to piece bits of history together because I don't remember a damn thing when I'm reincarnated. But from what I've picked up, I've fought this guy what, like... five fucking times by now, AT LEAST.

I mean, the first time, its understandable. An egotistical, maniacal supervillain is trying to take over the country, happens a lot. So I go on this long journey to gain some kind of magical artifacts that the goddesses are cunts enough to make me lug around and find, just so that I can get to this fucker. And when I do, I work so hard to kill him. And somehow I manage to pull success out of my ass. Life's good now, right? Yeah (he laughs), this life is. What they don't tell you is that you actually didn't kill him. Don't know what I'm talking about? I'll go into some more detail.

So I fight this bastard in his turf the first time. I had to get three enormous gemstones, the size of my face, and bring them to a temple. Why didn't I pawn off these money-bombs, I have no fucking clue. I was like twelve at the time. So I go through time and gather six other medallions of power, and save six fuckers so I can fight him in HIS CASTLE. It's hard enough already just fighting him by his lonesome. So after I defeat him, I've gotta drag my ass downstairs from his castle, and avoid the thousands of ton of rock from falling on my half-dead carcass.

Then he comes back... as a fucking pig.

I kick this asshole's ass too. And then its over. The jackasses that made me save them locked him into an eternal dungeon. The "sacred realm," or whatever the fuck it is they're calling it. Yeah, smartasses. Didn't take away his triforce. So he manages his way back out.

So I'm in eternal bliss, living out my forever-lasting awesomeness, and the godesses apparently drag my ass back after his judgement. Somehow he managed to break himself off of some chains, kill the guy who stabbed him with a "holy sword," yeah... ahuh.

So now I've gotta go back, whoop the ass of this guy's pawn, and then kill him... again. So this time I stab him in the fucking chest, with the same "sword of evil's bane (my ass)." But that's not good enough either. Dumbass me forgot to check about his triforce again.

So I go to heaven again, and have my ass dragged back, again. Water, a whole bunch of it on top of my country. Its the same story. I lug my ass around the seas and gather enormous pieces of valuable jewelry, which all goes to waste, just so I can find this fucker and a sword that I'm supposed to use to kill him. Oh yeah, goddesses forgot to change the batteries on the sword, so I had to go fix that too. Bitches.

So finally, I fight this guy underwater. The ungrateful fuck king, who happened to be my boat the whole time I was sailing around, doesn't do shit in the fight. He manages to lure the triforce out of ganondorf, but that's about it. nothing in the fight. Me and the princess get to do that.

So finally, I decide "I'm going to end this now... or just make sure it doesn't happen again." So, after the triforce is removed, I stab him again... just to make sure. But this time, it was in the head. and THIS TIME, I leave it in his brains. He turned into rock... oh, and water cascaded down on top of him. He's finished... I hope. 

If you're confused by any of this... well... let me just say... SCREW you (middle finger), I'm not going into details. Play my games, you'll figure out.



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