Chapter 2: Yuga Author's Note: Five minutes after posting the first chapter, I wasn't up for going to Fanfiction, and I had nothing better to do, so I decided to upload chapter two. Here, we'll fnally progress through the story. I don't own The Legend of Zelda.
Link did not need to find out what heinous threat Gulley would give him. Last time, it was shove his bed up Link's ass. Link knew there was nothing better to do than eat glazd donuts at Dunkin Donuts before it closed. However, after ordering a cup of coffee and donuts, there stood Gulley, holding the Captain's Sword. "Link, take this to the captain before I tear off your balls and make you eat your balls smothered in blood," he growled. In fear, Link grabbed the sword, and ran out the door. He decided to go hide in the Sancuary, where Seres would calm him down and give him donuts. When he arrived... Seres was nowhere to be seen, and Dampe the Gravedigger was furiously banging on the door. Dampe noticed Link out of the corner of his eye, screamed like a little girl, and dropped the key into the sanctuary. Link picked it up, polished it with a rag in his pocket, and got hit in the face by a pancake. "I think Gulley's watching me.
-Back of the Blacksmith's Shop-
"This catapult works great!" Gulley said in satisfaction. He placed an armed grenade onto to the catapult. "Let's hope it assassinates Link," he declared, launching it in the direction of Kakariko Village. -Kakariko-
Everyone looked up to see the explosion in the sky. They ignored it.
Looking around in evident fear, he found Dampe hiding behind a tree. "I'm bored. Do you know where this key goes to?" Link asked, completely unaware i unlocked the seal of tsunamis, toradoes, earthquakes, and disaster. You know, the area resembling Timbuktu. "Gimme that! this unlocks the doors!" Dampe screeched. "Wouldn't it be smarter or uglier tocheck the pockets?"Link asked. "Oh, I'll become the most powerful and famous man in seven years bitch!" "Won't you die of old age or ugliness in seven years?" Link asked. In response, Dampe picked up Link and threw him head first at the doors, breaking the sanctuary in the the process. Link got up saw Seres looking confused and (Dramatic Cliffhanger here) GHIRAHIM?! "Holy Shit, it Ghirahim! Everyone run for your lives!" he screamed before Yuga knocked him out with a frying pan and turned Seres into a painting. "I swear, Lorule needs more smart people. Why can't Hilda be after just the Triforce of Wisdom? Lorulians are as stupid as Hyrulians," he muttered.
And there's another chapter. I was horrified at the spelling mistakes but I took care of them.