The Princess who fell from the sky.
This is a real true story about a real true Princess who fell from the real true sky.
Really?
Yes it is so shut your face and listen.
Jeez.
Once upon a time-
Yawn.
Hey, my story, rude.
I hate fairy tails. They’re so predictable.
This isn’t a fairy tail. It is a non-fictional story.
That’s possibly the biggest word you know.
Humph.
Continue.
Woo hoo! Okay, where was I? Oh yeah. Once upon a time, there was a very handsome hero. He was really good. In fact, he was brilliant. He was so good, there was a waiting list just to say his name.
Alright, cocky.
Anyway. One day the hero was riding his horse out in the big fieldy thingy-
Hyrule Field, doofus van goofus.
Hem Hem.
Fine. Fieldy thingy.
Thank you. So, One day the hero was riding his horse out in the big fieldy thingy, when he heard a scream-
I did not scream!
Did to.
Did not.
Sure you didn’t. Anyway, the hero was riding his horse out in the big fieldy thingy, when he heard a scream. He looked up and saw someone in the air falling fastly.
Fastly isn’t a word you illiterate twat.
So I made it up. All good story tellers do it.
………………………………
So, where was I? Oh yeah, He looked up and saw someone in the air falling fastly. The person was wearing a dress, so he guessed it was a girl.
Oh duh…
She was falling real fast, so he got off his horse and ran into the middle of the field. He did this really spectacular dive, and guess what?
You missed!
I did not!
You missed by like, a mile. I landed in the river!
Yeah well…… lets just say I did catch you, okay?
Oh for the love of Din……
So, he did this really spectacular dive and caught her, just as she was about to plunge into the icy depths of the river.
It was the middle or bloody summer. It was like bath water.
Shut up!
Then tell the real story, or I will!
Okay okay, mean. So, he nearly caught the girl, but she landed just out of his reach. Anyway, he helped her up and brushed all the grass off her back and she gazed adoringly into his eyes-
And said, “You missed, you fucking loser!”
She did not!!
Okay, no I didn’t. I slapped you and called you butter fingers, then I stood on your toe and walked off.
Yeah that hurt. I had a massive bruise for like, three weeks.
What an imagination you have.
Shut up!
……………………………….........................
Thank you. As I was saying, she gazed adoringly into his eyes and said, “You are so brave and wonderful and I owe you my life. You are the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and you deserve a medal.” The hero smiled and replied, “All in a days work, ma’am.” Then he mounted his horse and rode off into the sunset. There, see. Wasn’t that a nice story?
No, it was the most vile perversion of the truth I have ever heard. I most certainly didn’t offer you a medal. You had the cheek to ask for one after letting me fall in the river.
Why are you being so mean? Can’t you let me have just a little bit of glory for once?
No. You don’t deserve bloody glory, you deserve to be shot.
And you deserve a good spanking.
Right that’s it! You have three seconds to leave or I’ll throw you out of the window.
You wouldn’t.
One.
You can’t pick me up.
Two.
But it’s thirty stories!
Three. Times up. Out you go with the trash.
Noooooooo! Don’t please! I’m sorry.
Then fuck off and die or something.
Okay I’m going, I’m going.
………………………………
Finally. Heh heh. The look on his face….. Priceless.
