Once, on a breezy afternoon princess Zelda was walking along the Hyrulian field past the guards when all of a sudden a mysterious portal showed up out of no where. Zelda:”OH, my. What in the tarnations is that thing!?” Out of no where a strange man (but very hot) said “why that’s just a ordinary time portal.” Zelda:” Why, who are you?” Hottie: “Oh how rude of me, I am Mr.Johnny Dept the 3rd. I come from the year 2070. My grandfather was in a lot of movies and that is where my mother Bennifer Affleck says I get my good looks from.” Zelda: “Oh. Well how is the future like? I so freaking badly want to see them things called strippers or pole dancers and them things called joints and blunts are.” Hottie: “Well, would you like to come with me and see?” Zelda: “Oh like totally I would but I have to tell my friend Link and…” But before she could finish she was taken onto Mr.Dept the 3rd’s black and white horse. Chapter 2: Link was calling for Zelda. When all of a sudden his phone started to vibrate. Tail: “Link don’t just let it vibrate pick it up!” Zelda: “OK, OK, OK! Nevertheless, that felt nice. Hello? Zelda? Yah every thing is ok…. No I am not naked!? What? Who? Where? Why? Well how can we help you today? Joints? Poles? Naked men? What? Ok, ok, ok. By the field, to the west, go right then left ok got it, I see it we’re on our way.” Tail: Well, what did she say Link? Link: Nothing she got kidnapped but very well kidnapped into the future where there’s these strip clubs and these things called joints and poles and corners and crack horrors and these places called MceeDees?” And we have to go into this time portal, that one, right over there where them little kids and skinny things with bald heads are coming out of, oh hey them are those people from south park!!!!!!!!!!!!” Tail: “Ok, let’s go.” Therefore, tail and Zelda went off into the time portal. Chapter 3: Zelda and Tail walked in to a strip club called JOE SCHMOES” when they saw Nayru and Cartman from south park giving Nayru a lap dance. Cartman: “What the hell!? Nayru, get them out of here before I go crazy. They are bringing me bad luck with the customers. Unless they want a lapdance too?!” Nayru: “Long time no see Link!” she ran over to hug him. “Nevertheless you are still hot! So what are you guys doing here?” Cartman: excuse me ladies but you either get a lap dance or you get a job not both! He said as he crowded into nayru and Link. Link:”We are on a business trip to find princess Zelda. Some person named Johnny Dept the 3rd kidnapped her. Cartman: You mean thee Johnny Dept the 3rd from Pirates of the Caribbean the third? Holy shit you guys are whack. Cartman mumbled to him self, “crack horrors these days.” Link: “so any ways will you guys come with us on our journey? Unfortunately, they said ok and went with them on their trip. Chapter 4: Zelda and Johnny were on there way to the olive garden in Ogden, Utah when they got stopped by a panhandler (hobo, like me that lives in a box) and he asked them for money they gave him some rupees and he told them how they weren’t worth anything here and that we use bills not rupees. So then anyway they went to the olive garden and they ate the chicken fedichini and a margarita. They both got wasted that knight and slept at the comfort suites on 25th street by flying j. When they got to comfort suites they saw 9 girls named Bianca, Trysting, Angelina, Priscilla, Vanessa, Carla, Tiffanie, Anna, and last but not least, Cyrena. Trysting was like “OH, shit its princess Zelda! In addition, every girl out of them nine girls wanted her autograph. Johnny was getting somewhat jealous. (By the way, Trystine is I who wrote this story.) Back to the story. Zelda was taking off her corset and dress, when Johnny tried to rape her. However, Zelda used her tykewondough on his ass and left him with a red kiss on his head after she shot him. Zelda went to my hotel room to get help when walking down the hall was Gannon. Therefore, instead of being kidnapped again she just kicked Gannon’s ass. “Knock “ Knock “ Knock “ Knock “ Knock “ knock… Bianca: OkOkOkOk, I am coming gosh…. Trystine its for you I think!!!!!!! Trystine: Oh, hello Zelda. May I help you? Zelda: can you help me find my friend Link? Trystine: I guess, but can the rest of my homies go? Zelda: what is homies? Um but Yah they can go. Trystine: Homies is friends or amigos ok get it? But any way ok lets go pimps! They were on their way to go find zelda, but Zelda forgot she had a cell phone. Chapter 5: Link went out the strip club’s doors. He went up to a thing that was dressed in skimpy clothing and asked it what MceeDees was. Thing: Why that’s McDonalds and my name is Ronnie Weasly (Ronnie) I can pleasure you if you want me too. Link: What do you mean by pleasure me? Thing: Well let me show you right this way. So then, they went up stairs to the comfort suites hotel and they went in the room when Link saw something he shouldn’t have been looking at. After that night on the next day Link came out horrified. Cartman: What happened Link? Link: that cross dresser raped me in the hotel then told me to pay him or he would come after me with his gang from 17th street. Cartman: Oh, shit, you were raped by a hooker usually hookers get raped by the customers! Link: well anyway, he said McDonalds was on Washington Blvd and by a taco maker. Therefore, theirs no time to waste to the bat mobile. Chapter 6: Zelda was on the Internet at trystine's house (my computer) when she looked up some info on Johnny Dept the 3rd, to find out that there was no such person. Nevertheless, that Johnny Dept the third was really Jon Misner. DUMDUMDUMMMM! Carla: That means he cannot possibly be dead Jon never dies it is the crack and Dave Chappelle’s show that keeps him alive. So they left the house and Trystine asked zelda where to next. Angelina: McDonalds! Bahdubababa I’m lovin it! So then, Trystine said that we could go to the McDonalds on 12th and Washington. When they got there, they ordered 10 number ones and then they ate it when out of the corner of Carla’s eye she goes theirs Jon. “JON!” all the girls scream. Then he took out his laser/gun/pencil and said get back I’ve got a gun, I shall kill you all. I am loco en la cabeza!!!! Link Cartman Nayru TAIL: Do not hurt the princess! We have you surrounded Jon Misner! Drop the pencil and no one gets hurt!!!!! Jon grabbed Carla and said, “I have a hostage nobody move! So then, Cartman said, “ Nobody cares about Carla’s fat ass. So you can go ahead and kill her.” Therefore, Trystine said nooooooooooo! In slow motion, as Jon pulled the trigger to his pencil and I saved Carla. The next thing I know I was in the hospital and Cartman was smacking my face saying wake up stupid biotch! I am hungry. LINK, ZELDA, and TAIL went through the portal. They still come to visit us a lot. As for everyone else, they live in Washington Park Apartments. The End!
PS: South Park should use this as an episode!
Written and thought up by: Trystine Giles from Ogden, Utah No one was made up. This was made up on 6/10/04 at 3:42 pm