Post Your Own Work

 New Fan Works  Old Fan Works  Zelda Series  Multimedia  Features  Interactive  Site Info
[Reviews - 65] Printer Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
ZLCL
Chapter 2-d


That Sunday;

(Burn is asleep on the balcony. He is resting his head on a table, when suddenly marijuana smoke and Link's voice wake him up.)

Link: That's right! Lift those boxes! Since you don't have any nifty functions, you can at least do some work around the house. And share some of that weed.

(Burn jumps up quickly. He walks up to the edge of the balcony and looks down. TV-kun is lifting crates out in the driveway, while Link watches on and gets high.)

Burn: You're using him outside again? The neighbor's have eyes, you know!

Link: Oh, you think he's yours cuz you found him and you're not a drugged out pervert, huh? How selfish! You need to smoke some of this and...Wow...

Burn:...What...?

Link: I never realized what stunning blue eyes you have...

Burn: My eyes are brown dumbass...

(Burn begins to think: "I found him?" He gets up and begins to walk to the balcony door, which leads to his bedroom. He reaches towards the sliding door, but stops. Nabooru's voice is sounding behind the door.

Nabooru: I'm sorry, O.K.! No, I haven't made contact with "him" yet...I've recruited one of the enemy robots...but he's useless. Well...He can fight...but he's to stoned to do anything else.

(Burn slowly begins to open the door. He peeks inside. Nabooru is lying down on the floor in a freaky position in front of Daru-Daru. She slowly raises her head and grins evilly at Burn.)

Nabooru: You were listening...?

Burn: Not...really...

(Nabooru suddenly jumps up in the air and clenches her fist. Burn runs away.)

Nabooru: Oh well, It was bound to happen!!

(Nabooru chases him out the hall. She pulls out her guitar.)

Nabooru: MARSHMELLOWS ARE PEOPLE TOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Nabooru smashes the guitar over Burn's head. She leaps on top of his shoulders and wraps her legs around his neck. And don't start this isn't a sex scene. Nabooru begins to chew on his head and pull his hair.)

Nabooru: I'm gonna let you in on my secret! TELL NOONE!!LONG LONG AGO IN GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY BEFORE YOU WERE BORN TWO FORCES BEGAN A BLOODY WAR THAT CONTINUES TO BE BLOODY TO THIS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU WOULD KNOW OR CARE ANYTHING ABOUT UNLESS YOU WERE PLASTERED AND/OR HIGH!! I AM ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BATTLE THAT'S RIGHT WERE THE GOOD GUYS THE FORCES OF LIGHT!!!! AND AS THE FIRST-CLASS OFFICER OF THE BUNNIES AT PLAY DESERT POLICE SISTERHOOD IVE COME TO THE ENDS OF HYRULE TO...

(Burn tries to pry her off of his shoulders. Nabooru grabs him by his waist and throws him to the ground.)

Nabooru: Hey! I'm talking here!

Burn: (angrily) Lemme go you freak!!

(Nabooru pins him down to the floor. She looks at him and begins to cry.)

Nabooru: Why...Don't you believe me...?

Burn: Who would believe you! You're a headcase!

Nabooru: And this is an earcase!!

(Nabooru pulls out a glasses case from her pocket. She opens the case, which is empty, and slams it shut on Burn's ear.)

Burn: GYYYYYYAAAAAAA!!!

(Nabooru lets go of Burn's ear.)

Burn: You piece of shit!!

(Nabooru begins poking Burn in the forehead.)

Nabooru: Come on!! Think about it!

(Nabooru pulls out a ukulele. She hits Burn in the head with it.)

Nabooru: Sorry, the guitar is too big.

(Burn remembers TV-kun fighting the hand. Nabooru had gone and whispered something to the robot before the hand exploded.)

Burn: (thinking) Are all these robots the bad guys in the war she's talking about...?

(Nabooru suddenly wraps one arm around Burn's neck and wraps her legs around his waist. She uses her other arm to punch Burns head.)

Nabooru: YOU SAW IT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!! You know, the whole robots fighting each other thing?!

Burn: NO! My eyes can play tricks on me!!

Nabooru: (slyly) Heh. You can't fool me like that, little brother.

(Burn remembers checking on Dirty Joe and Mido after the fight was over. They were both unconscious. Burn woke them up.)

Dirty Joe: Augh! My nose is still bleeding! That Gerudo is one tough bitch!!

Mido: How come you aren't hurt, Burn?!

Burn: (trying to change the subject) So... You guys found some porn?

Mido: What?!

(Nabooru and TV-kun were watching the whole scene from a corner.)

Dirty Joe: You didn't know about all this?

(Burn's memories are suddenly interrupted by Nabooru. In case you are confused, the last 6 lines took place in the past. Now we are back to the Present.)

Nabooru: Aw, that's sweet. You were protecting me!

Burn: No I wasn't! They just wanted to show me some porn!!

Nabooru: DENY IT ALL YOU WANT!! I SAW WHAT HAPPENED!!!

(All of the sudden, the door slides open. Burn looks up and sees Zelda standing in the doorway. He suddenly realized that the position he and Nabooru are in looks kind of sexual. )

Burn: Zelda?!! This looks bad...

Zelda: Hi, Nabooru-san!

Nabooru: Sup, Girl!

(Zelda ignores Burn and runs over to the robot. She bows down in front of him with her hands clasped together as if she was praying.)

Zelda: Canti-sama...*

Burn: (confused) Canti?

Zelda: The God of the Black Flame, Cantido-sama. From Fire Starter.

Burn: The video game?

(All of the sudden, Link walks in. He sees Nabooru and Burn lying on the ground like that and grins.)

Link: Nabooru-san! Can I join in?

Nabooru: You'd enjoy it too much, you old perv. So no.

(Now Rauru walks in.)

Rauru: Is the world turning without me?!

(Rauru spots Zelda standing there, then leaves and slams the door.)

Nabooru: What's his problem?

Burn: Grandpa didn't like Zelda dating my brother. Why do you care anyways? Leggo already!

(Burn tosses Nabooru off and puts his baseball cap on. He storms out the door.)

*In case you didn't know, In the Japanese language, "Sama" is added onto the name of someone you worship as a god/religious figure.








(Burn is down by the bridge where Zelda was spooning him at the beginning of the story, practicing his archery skills. All of the sudden, he hears a soft voice behind him.)

Zelda: Here...Takkun.

(Burn turns around to see Zelda. A small cat trots up to her. She picks it up, and Burn realizes that she is talking to the cat. He scowls a little.)

Burn: He's Takkun to, huh...?

Zelda: (turning away from him) Of course. I name everything I love Takkun...

Burn: What?

Zelda: (quickly) That doesn't mean I love you...Well I do love you but I don't only as a friend. Wait a minute, I do love you...But only as a possession. NO! YOU'RE MORE THAN JUST A POSSESION BUT... AH! Never mind...

Burn: What was that about...?

(Zelda ignores him and begins to walk away with the cat.)

Burn: Hey! Wait up!

(Burn puts up his bow and follows Zelda. She still ignores him.)

Burn: What's your problem?

Zelda: (sullenly) It's Zelda's turn to ignore you now...

(Burn, affected by Zelda's words stops and thinks for a minute.)

Burn: (thinking) Oh...This is about yesterday. Nabooru was all over me...

Burn: I'm sorr....

(Burn suddenly stops.)

Burn: (thinking) Zelda has no idea what I've been going through! I could've been caught in the crossfire of an intergalactic battle! Wait, why do I have to apologize? I'm so lame. I'm apologizing while she's the one ignoring me.

(Burn takes his bow back out and begins shooting again. Zelda walks away. Meanwhile, up on top of the bridge, Saria is walking down the sidewalk and talking on a cell-phone.)

Saria: Was that our promise? Go ahead and have dinner with my father!

Voice from the other End: But I don't want to cause any problems.

Saria: (thinking) But you're his favorite secretary...Fine.

(Saria hangs up. She notices two boys across the street.)

Boy #1: Hey, who's that? He shoots archery?

Boy #2: He goes to our school. His brother was good, but he sucks.

Boy #1: I see... I didn't know he wasn't any good.

(Saria walks across the street and looks down towards the river. Burn is down there. He suddenly drops his bow and sits down on the ground.)

Saria: (thinking) Don't give up yet. Just pull the string back...

(All of the sudden, Zelda runs up from behind Burn and throws her arms around his shoulders.)

Zelda: (softly) I just wanted to say, "I'm sorry."

(Burn begins to look up. He spots Saria, staring at him from on top of the bridge, With her hair blowing in the wind.)

Burn: Saria?

Zelda: Huh? You know her?

(Zelda looks up at her.)

Zelda: hmmm...It's cute, her looking down at you like that.

Burn: She's the mayor's daughter. That's what she does.

(Saria stares for a few seconds, then yells down at Zelda.)

Saria: CHILD MOLESTER!!

(Saria begins to laugh at herself. All of the sudden, Nabooru's voice rings out from somewhere nearby.)

Nabooru: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HOMOSEXUALALLY CHILD MOLESTER?!

(Saria turns to see Nabooru riding her pony down the bridge. She draws her guitar and flies at Saria. Saria ducks and Nabooru goes off the road, landing in the river.)

Nabooru: I'M NOT GAY! I'M JUST WET!

Burn: (thinking) She laughed at me...

Zelda: (thinking) Child molester?

Nabooru: (thinking) That girl is hot...too bad I don't have the tool.

(Nabooru swims around I the river humming the Jaws theme. Bern tosses Zelda off of him and picks up his bag.)

Burn: (annoyed) I'm going home...







(Nabooru is standing in the middle of a dark room, wearing a sombrero and a poncho. Suddenly a spotlight shines down on her. She whips around and begins doing a little dance. Behind her, Link and Rauru, also in costume, begin shaking maracas. Nabooru begins singing.)

Nabooru: Children behave~! That's what they say when we're together~!

(Zelda and her cat are standing in the middle of a field. Zelda looks tired as if she's been running.)

Nabooru: Trying to get away in the night~!

(Burn is walking home. A huge fire blazes far off in the background.)

Nabooru: And we tumble to the ground and then you say...

(Burn stops in front of his house, where he hears the singing.)

Burn: (thinking) Karaoke?

(Nabooru's singing stops. Rauru's voice suddenly starts.)

Rauru: C'MERE LITTLE KIDDIES ON MY LAP GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH A BRAND NEW RAP AND I DON'T MEAN RAP AS IN A NEW CASE OF CHILD MOLESTATION/ACUSATIONS~! AH AH AH AH AH! NO WORRIES PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG OF TOYS WHAT ELSE COULD I POSSIBLY DO TO MAKE NOISE I DUN TOUCHED ON EVERYTHING BUT LITTLE BOYS! THAT'S NOT A STAB AT MICHEAL THAT'S JUST A METAPHOR I'M JUST PSYCO I GO A LITTLE BIT CRAZY SOMETIMES I GO A LITTLE BIT OUT OF CONTROL WITH MY RYHMES~! GOOD GOD DIP DO A LITTLE SLIDE BEND DOWN TOUCH YOUR TOES AND JUST GLIDE TO THE CENTER OF THE DANCE FLOOR LIKE TP FOR MY BUNG HOLE AND ITS COOL IF YOU LET ONE GO NOBODY'S GUNNA KNOW WHO'D HEAR IT GIVE A LITTLE POOT POOT ITS OKAY!!!

(Rauru suddenly lets out a fart. Everybody in the house starts screaming and coughing.)

Rauru: OOPS! My CD just skipped~! And everyone just heard you let one rip...

(Burn turns around and walks away from the house.)

Burn: (thinking) My brother was smart and had talent. So he left home.

(Burn walks by some old ladies by the street. They are pointing at a house.)

Old Lady #1: Look, It's Gannon-san's house. Scandalous!

Old Lady #2: Random women coming in and out...Disgusting, don't you think?

Burn: (thinking) Look in the mirror, you old biddies!

(Burn remembers something his brother said. "Hey, you can look at it the other way, too.")

SSSSPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLOOOOOOORRRRRRRRTTTTT!!!!!!!!

(Burn eyes widen as he realizes what the sound is. He runs over to a mirror, but before he looks, he turns to the sound of footsteps. Canti (TV-kun, in case you didn't realize), is walking down the street.)

Burn: He's here...is he coming from the fire? He looks happy to see me...

(Burn turns around and looks in the mirror. He stares at his reflection, which has two zit-penises!! One is coming out of the front of his head, and the other sticking out the back. They are soft and pointy this time.)

Burn: AUGH!! It's growing again! I can't stand it! ........God, I have three peckers now!
SWWWWWWEEEEETTTTTTTT!!!!!! I gotta go find Zelda!


Enter the security code shown below:
 Sections
The "Post Your Own Work" section is powered by eFiction. To get it for your site, go to www.efiction.org.