Chibi Sakura: It's
Christmas here in Hyrule, and so....I've decided to throw a Chirtsmas Party for
all the Zelda folks down at Zelda Sleepover Inc. And at Zelda Sleepover Inc. we
enjoy singing songs. And since it's Christmas, I'll gladly sing you a Christmas
song.
Link: (walks in) Who ya talkin'
to, CS?
Chibi Sakura: Ack! Go away!
Link: (walking out angrily) I'm
tired of being pushed around! I'm contacting my agent!
Chibi Sakura: I'm your
agent, stupid.
Link: No! Shigeru Miyamoto's my
agent!
Chibi Sakura: Yeah, but he's not
here is he? He hired me to be your substitute agent.
Link: Arrrrrrrrgh!
Chibi Sakura: Go away. I'm about
to sing my Christmas song!
Link: YOU?! SING?! Why didn't
you say so?! (runs like heck from the room)
Chibi
Sakura: Anyway.... Here's the 'Very Zelda Christmas' theme song!
It's Christmas time in Hyrule. So let's celebrate. The trees
are looking dandy. The cookies tasting great. But in the Zelda's
Sleepovers There's no peace to see, And I have to put up with
it, So reader pray for me!
Ganon's hogging cookies,
Saria just ain't brave. And Zelda thinks she's Austin Powers,
Saying lines like "Oh, behave!" I would ask John and someone else,
to come and have some fun! But they're all busy and kinda tired,
so I'm left...uh....alone?
It's hard to find some good
ryhmes, for this stupid Christmas song, so when you're finished
reading this LINE! I'll be moving right along!
Saria: (walking in) Link told me
you're singing, so I want to make sure if it's safe to come out.
Chibi Sakura: (deep breath) Oh!
Jingle bells! Batman smells!
Saria: Aaaaaaaaaah! (runs from
the room)
Chibi Sakura: Now then....at
Zelda's Sleepover Inc. we also enjoy giving presents, believe it or not. And we
also...like....inviting others....who we have...kicked out...darn the rules! Now
Rauru has to come...
Rauru: (flying into the room)
Weeeeeee! Look at meeeee! I am freeeeeeee!
Chibi Sakura: Shut-up, you
dumbo, or I'll kill you.
Rauru: Why dost the sun shine
and then go hither?
Chibi Sakura: I have no idea
what you just said, but I'm sure you got it wrong.
Rauru: Why dost I live in peace
and then come hither?
Chibi Sakura: Kay,
better.
Rauru: Thank-you.
(Chibi Sakura and Rauru head for
the entertaiment room)
Chibi Sakura: Yeah...er...why
don't you go dust with it RIGHT NOW?
Impa: Why, what a great idea!
(leaves the room)
Chibi Sakura: Well, that's about
everyone... (hands Ruto her gift)
Ruto: (opens her present)
Ooh...it's...fish crackers?!
Chibi Sakura: Yeah, what's wrong
with that?
Ruto: If I eat these...I'll be
a...I'll be a...CANNIBAL!!!
Chibi Sakura: Give them to
someone else, then. Now...that's everyone.
Nabooru, Darunia, Rauru and
Ganondorf: What about me?!!
Chibi: I don't like you guys,
therefore, no presents from me shall be given to you.
Saria: Let's sing another
song!
Chibi: OK......
(everyone whispers for a
minute or two, then finally decides on what they'll sing)
Chibi: This one is
a...original...carol by Zelda's Sleepover Inc.
....ahem.....
Santa's reindeer don't like flying. They end up complaining
and crying. And sometimes they even start to yell, making Santa go
through hell!
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Has
Christmas gone away? This harness is too itchy, Here I do not want
to stay! HEY!!!!
Chibi: We know it's annoyingly
short, but at Zelda's Sleepover Inc., we strive for simplicity, long for ease,
and soothe ourselves with...uncomplicatedness from the difficulty of everyday
life. We also like rotting our brains with Christmas specials in
July.
Link: Let's watch Christmas
specials in December then!
Saria: Rudolph!
Rudolph!
Ganon: But Saria, there's a
monster in it.
Saria: Eeeeeeek! Well...from the
"scare-free for nerds" version...I...
Chibi: Too late! (turns on
Rudolph)
Saria: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (runs
like heck from the room)
Chibi: That certainly got her...
(turns off Rudolph)
Darunia: I still want my
gift...
Link: I still need
pearls...
Impa: (coming in dusting with
her Dirt Devil) I still have to clean!
Ruto: I still won't perform
cannibalism!
Zelda: Shagadelic,
bay-bee!
Saria: (running into the room)
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Nabooru: I must have a scary
Christmas special!
Ganondorf: Where's the
cookies?
Rauru: I'm back and I need
attention!
Chibi: WHY DON'T Y'ALL
SHUT-UP??!!
(everyone goes
quiet)
Chibi: You all need to get into
the Christmas spirit!
Ganondorf: But my
Christmas domination ship was destroyed.
Saria: Eeeeeek! A spirit is a
GHOST!!!!! Eeeeeeek! Yaaaaaaaah!
Link: Beam me up! Beam me up,
captain!
Zelda: Oh, behave!
Chibi: I hate this...I try to
please my fans with a nice little treat...and I can't, because my employees are
too damn literal and brainless!
Link: Well, we were sprites at
one time. And sprites aren't the brightest of people...
Chibi: But you're not sprites
anymore! Not graphic, not 8-bit, not cel-shaded...you're real life
people!
Ruto: And
creatures.
Chibi: I've had enough of your
smart-aleck remarks! (opens a portal out of nowhere and leaves)
New Fan Works