New Fan Works
Old Fan Works
Final Jeopardy: God Save Us All
(Jeopardy music plays while Rauru walks in.)
Rauru: Welcome to Jeopardy. Today we have three esteemed people from our favorite country, Hyrule. Can you three introduce yourselves?
Link: (Waves to the audience. They all cheer while the ladies jump up and down, screaming like psychos.) Thank you, my name is.(A bra lands on his podium. His face turns red.) Ummm.where was I?
Rauru: You were about to tell us your name. (Slaps himself in the forehead while looking at the floo.r)
Link: That's right, my name is.
Ganondorf: No one cares who you are, boy. Let a man speak! (Turns and faces Link. They engage in a staring match.)
Rauru: Okay, okay calm down, you'll get your.
Ganondorf: Shut-up you fat piece of ****, don't speak to me unless I'm speaking to you. (Turns and pushes Link.) Move over green boy, I want to be there! (Link pushes back, causing Ganondorf to bump into Zelda.)
Zelda: Don't touch me you filthy, disgusting pig! (Ganondorf turns around.)
Ganondorf: Don't tell me what to do, and I'll bump (Give Zelda a strong pelvic-thrust to her left leg, causing her to fall to the floor.) you anytime or way I want to!
Link: (Jumps up from Ganondorf's backside and gets him in a headlock.) Don't you push her around like that. (Ganondorf stands while Link is still holding on to his head. His feet flailing in the air wildly.)
(Security comes out and breaks it up.)
Rauru: (Sighs loudly.) Okay, because you guys can't do it.I will. You all know who this young man is, Link. (Crowd cheers.) And here we have the King of Evil.Ganondorf (Crowd boos. A spitball hits him on the nose.)
Ganondorf: Who the.
Link: Don't you mean GanonDork! (Crowd laughs.)
Rauru: Moving on! And over here we have, um, where's your name?
Rauru: Forget it, what's your name?
(A long pause before she answers.)
Zelda: Umm, I'm pretty.don't you think? (Zelda fixes her hair with a comb, then starts to flirt with a guy in the audience.)
Rauru: (Looks up towards the roof.) Oh God, is this a test?
Zelda: What! We're having a test? No one told me this was a test!
Ganondorf: You idiot! What did you think this was? It's a game show where we're asked hard, brain busting questions!
Rauru: Okay! Lets get started. Our categories are: Hyrule's History, Famous Quotes, Religion, Riddles, and Literature. Ganondorf won backstage so he goes first.
Link: Because he cheated. (Gives Ganondorf a nasty look, who returns the favor.)
Ganondorf: Don't be jealous because I beat you at something, forest boy. I'll take Religion for 100.
Rauru: Who is the sage of Light? (No one rings in.) Anyone want to take a guess!? (Still, no one rings in.) Come on people! (A buzzer sounds, and Rauru shakes his head/) The answer is ME people.ME!! Rauru, is the Sage of Light. (Sighs.) Okay, your turn again Ganondorf.
Ganondorf: I'll take Riddles for 100.
Rauru: Why did. (Zelda's buzzer rings.) God, here it comes.
Zelda: But if Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
Rauru: No!! That's not even close to what I was going to ask. Now, why did. (Ganondorf's buzzer rings.)
Ganondorf: This question sucks! I choose Geography for 500. (Rauru screams.)
Rauru: There is no Geography! What's going on here? Have you people always been so stupid, or have you practiced at home? (Ganondorf steps out from behind his podium.)
Ganondorf: What'd you call me fat man!? (Rauru breaks out into a cold sweat.) If you dare speak to me like that again.I Will Destroy You!! (He steps behind the podium.) Now, I grow tired of this altercation, I demand we go to Final Jeopardy, Now!!
Rauru: Yes sir.here's our Final Jeopardy question. 'What are the names of the seven sages?'
(Jeopardy music plays as the lights dim and our contestants write down there answer. Lights go back to normal and Rauru starts to speak.)
Rauru: Okay Link, what was your answer?
Link: (His answer shows on his podium: I sleep with my underwear in my mouth.1000 rupees)
Rauru: What!? That's not an answer, and you wagered.1000 rupees! Oh God, you're wrong. The correct answers are: Zelda, Saria, Darunia, Ruto, Nabaroou, Impa, and Rauru. Ganondorf, what's your answer?
Ganondorf: (His answer shows: What!?.2000 rupees)
Rauru: No!!! That's incorrect. O lord, I fear to ask what your answer is, Zelda.
Zelda: (Her answer shows: I love Ramen noodles! Um.what was the question?)
(Rauru screams and throws his cards into the air, and begins to walk away. Link and Ganondorf start arguing, which breaks out into a full-blown fight. Zelda leans over and begins to flirt with a guy, but he doesn't hear a word she says. He's to busy looking down her shirt as she bends over to talk to him.)