New Fan Works
Old Fan Works
"One Sweet Lemon"
One Sweet Lemon
By: Anonymous 2
Author's note: This was written to mock anyone who has ever written a Zelda Lemon. Dave Barry, the same Dave Barry who wrote the funny article on the PS2 had a major influence on the writing of this article.
One day Link proposed to Malon, she accepted. They both agreed not to have sex until they were married. As the wedding approached Malon worried that she might not be able to shall we say, be able to please Link. Concerned she went to the library in Hyrule Castle Town and read a trashy Romance Scroll for Advice. The scroll went something like this:
"As she gazed into her lover's eyes, she saw a dark and brooding storm which were turgid with passion, she felt the tormented tenseness of his throbbing pulsating manhood, and she realized with a knowledge born of knowing, that she could no longer control the surging waves of passion that washed over her, like waves of the sea, as his brooding, throbbing, pulsating, highly engorged lips sought hers, not that she wanted to hold them back, (we are talking about the waves of passion here people!) although she knew that somehow, somewhere, perhaps deep within the shuddering throes of yearning that even now gripped the very core of her womanhood, (if you catch the drift) that she must find a way through the hazy mists of desire to end this sentence, although she senced somehow that...."
Malon read on for a few more lines absorbing every word. Confident that these word were empowering her. Actually they kind of led her to a let down. Imagine Malon and Link's conversation on their wedding night.
"You mean that's it?" Malon asked.
"Yes," Link replied."
"You mean to tell me that's your tortured, throbbing, pulsating manhood?" replied an astonished Malon, who was obviously dissapointed. Oh well, anyhow they lived happily ever-after.