New Fan Works
Old Fan Works
“The Quest to Save the World”
The Quest to Save the World
By: Timmy Blackthorn
Disclaimer: Zelda is owned by Nintendo. I don't own Zelda. You could never have guessed huh?
Part One: Beginning
I shall tell you the tale of an hero, a hero whome the chants of his marvel may still be heard. He saved the world from the Foe and his ally Bad Guy. He venged the sorrow of the many and that of the widow. The people rejoiced for countless days.
His name was Link, the
savior of the World. This story pass after the Great Peace that came after
the death of Ganon, and the death of Zelda. I shall now tell you his true
It was a pale and starry night. The sky was cloudless. Link was roaring drunk again. Well that sure cut off the nice fluffy thing. What did you expect? Once upon a time there was a roaring drunk named Link? Well who cares anyway. I shall tell you only the truth, has the story truly is, though it's a litle deceptive. As I said before, Link was roaring drunk. He was running painless and pantless (shoeless too if you want to know, and I dont care anyway if did want to know or not anyway). He was laughing for nothing and the merry people of Hylia were laughing at him too. He had a bottle in his hand and his pants in the other.
What do you mean that isn't politically correct? Heck, in his time the "politically correct" wasn't yet invented! So stop interrupting and read on. If you don't not want to, read the following phrase after hypnotising yourself: I will read The Quest to save the world to the end and send all of my money to Timmy.
In his drunken state he wandered until he arrived
to the Temple of Time. He puked a little on the doorstep and came in the
temple. He rampaged through the temple until he arrived at the altar of
the Master Sword. He cuddled himself around the sword (and cutted himself
a great many [if that's possible to say]). He slept a sleepless night.
When Link awoke, he was completly abashed: he was in jail. It turns out that the priests turned berserk when they saw Link sleeping on a sacred sword (and walking on the puke on the doorstep). They cried, yelled, screamed and prayed until the guards came. They accidently dropped him two or three flights of stairs (each 1089.5 stairs to be precise). He would have yelled but his head hurted. It was then that he met the first of him mortal ennemies, that he would have to fight quite some time later.
A black cloaked man, hood up came in front his cell.
He removed his hood and then Link saw his face. He had short black hair
and deep green eyes. He had flawless face and Link fell in love with the
man. Oops, this ain't no love story, never mind that last part. Instead
Link looked at the man , hoping that he was here to get him out. The man
smirked at Link and said:
The man took a deep breath and softly said:
So Foe freed Link from jail by using his awesome power to control the peoples (actually he bribed the guards but the story need a litle spicing up). He told many things about him, himself and Foe. But Link wasn't listening for a seconds since his whisky was talking much louder. After a few moments he felt better ( and tipsier) and began to listen to Foe.
- ...So I told a Bad Guy that it was a Gruuumshamah not a Sishirunamerk!
Did you get it?
Foe didn't really care anyway that Link didn't get it or not, as long as he could hear the sound of his own voice.
- What great mystical weapon prophesied by an obsure-long-forgotten-damned-doomed-dead
Then Foe slapped Link on the cheek. Link punched Foe
on the nose, low-kicked him in the groin and uppercutted him last. He then
starting hoping here and there like a boxer. Foe tried to get up through great
pain, and he had a nose bleed. As he got up, Link uppercutted him again and Foe
fell on his back. Then Foe whispered:
grunted , got up and started slapping him. After a few minutes Link said:
Link ran up to the highest tower that he could find and jumped down.
Link woke up in a broken alley. All around was all
ruins and the sky was black. He could feel all of the evil surging all
around him. He then got up and left the theater. To his great dismay, nothing
had changed no evil deeds had been done exept a alcohol-ban parade. Link
got angry and went straight to the inn to see Foe ( straight after killing
the anti-alcohol guys ). He came in and asked loudly to see Foe. As you
know, in every tale there is always a bar fight in the inn when the hero(s)
come in. But it was the midle of the afternoon and there wasnt any drunks
just itchin to see an hero come in. He quickly learned in witch room Foe
was resting. He burst in the room (sword drawn) , like a jealous husband
that just learned that his wife was cheating on him with his best friends.
Link sighed. That nemesis needed a couple of lessons
about the ropes. Link could bet that the bad guy's evil plan consisted of simply
Link came more happy after that the delay was over. He
had time to take a breath and now felt ready to kill Foe. He knew ( sadly ) that
he would have to stop drinking 'til the end of this story. He opened the door
leading inside Foe's room and found him with his black cloack on.
It was too much for Link to bear. He was going to be arrested for killing the pro-alcool-ban guys , his alcool cache was going to burn down to smithereens and Foe would conquer the world. Our hero was now angrier than a famished lion and more beserked than a beserker. He punched Foe in the stomach and drew his sword ( with his hands not a pencil mind you ). Foe ran away in his room screaming like a 5 year old girl who was about to be shot.
You think being shot is not scary? No shot by a gun but rather by a doctor. In those the shots wasnt invented either. They had to cut off a part of your arm then drop in the liquid. And the good liquid wasnt even invented until the year 1800 or so. Scary no?
He lifted his sword decided to kill the foul fool foe
Foe. But at that precise moment , a tactical attack guards team ( I told you
cops didnt exist in that time ) and started screaming stuff like:
And other stuff that could be heard 124336 houses away. Link simply
got mad , kicked a guard in the face ( Hey what did I do? I was just here
to pick up the thrash!), broke the window, and ran away by using the door.
He ran outside of town going towards the Kokiri forest.
He could see the smoke from away. He got on his donkey
named Epona and got it to run the mile and half that was between the merchant
town and the forest. Inside the forest Confusion was king, and Chaos was drunk.
The minions that Foe had hired were trolls that had simply forgotten what they
were supposed to do. So they started burning down the forest simply to see the
forest temple. The kokiris , those peaceful people , tried to sooth them using
catapults, arrows and sticks. Yes sticks, after all they do say "rocks and
sticks will hurt my bones, words wont". Link was now purely beserk. He cried a
war cry and ran towards his stash. He opened a botle of vodka and drunk it
already feeling better. A troll then came and said in its foul voice:
Link snarled and then neatly cutted off the troll's head
off. He threw the body outside in the fire. The trolls seeing a one of their
friends dead suddenly got angry and snarled at Link. Link looked at them with
red eyes ( he hadnt slept for a full day now ) and snarled at them like a
banshee. The trolls wimpered and ran away. The kokiris jumped in glee , exept
for one who was drunk. Then went back inside his tree house, preparing his next
attack on his ennemy, Ennemeyh,Foe. War was now about. That fool would pay. He
would pay for the day he had though of starring in a Zelda fanfic.
Did you like this first part of a small series of Zelda fanfics? Did you laugh? Sure, its a litle sad that Zelda died. I didnt knew what to do with her. But she might do a come back (send in suggestions). If you are offended because of this fanfic here is what I say: If you can laugh of the things you love, then you are One who loves to laugh, like me. Its a litle twisted for a story but I hope you like it. If you like reading this, read the following parts! If you dont, go back playing Zelda.