Stories by Timmy Blackthorn
E-mail Author
Return to Fanfic Index

 New Fan Works  Old Fan Works  Zelda Series  Multimedia  Features  Interactive  Site Info

“The Quest to Save the World”

The Quest to Save the World

By: Timmy Blackthorn

Disclaimer: Zelda is owned by Nintendo. I don't own Zelda. You could never have guessed huh?

Part One: Beginning

I shall tell you the tale of an hero, a hero whome the chants of his marvel may still be heard. He saved the world from the Foe and his ally Bad Guy. He venged the sorrow of the many and that of the widow. The people rejoiced for countless days.

His name was Link, the savior of the World. This story pass after the Great Peace that came after the death of Ganon, and the death of Zelda. I shall now tell you his true tale.

It was a pale and starry night. The sky was cloudless. Link was roaring drunk again. Well that sure cut off the nice fluffy thing. What did you expect? Once upon a time there was a roaring drunk named Link? Well who cares anyway. I shall tell you only the truth, has the story truly is, though it's a litle deceptive. As I said before, Link was roaring drunk. He was running painless and pantless (shoeless too if you want to know, and I dont care anyway if did want to know or not anyway). He was laughing for nothing and the merry people of Hylia were laughing at him too. He had a bottle in his hand and his pants in the other.

What do you mean that isn't politically correct? Heck, in his time the "politically correct" wasn't yet invented! So stop interrupting and read on. If you don't not want to, read the following phrase after hypnotising yourself: I will read The Quest to save the world to the end and send all of my money to Timmy.

In his drunken state he wandered until he arrived to the Temple of Time. He puked a little on the doorstep and came in the temple. He rampaged through the temple until he arrived at the altar of the Master Sword. He cuddled himself around the sword (and cutted himself a great many [if that's possible to say]). He slept a sleepless night.

When Link awoke, he was completly abashed: he was in jail. It turns out that the priests turned berserk when they saw Link sleeping on a sacred sword (and walking on the puke on the doorstep). They cried, yelled, screamed and prayed until the guards came. They accidently dropped him two or three flights of stairs (each 1089.5 stairs to be precise). He would have yelled but his head hurted. It was then that he met the first of him mortal ennemies, that he would have to fight quite some time later.

A black cloaked man, hood up came in front his cell. He removed his hood and then Link saw his face. He had short black hair and deep green eyes. He had flawless face and Link fell in love with the man. Oops, this ain't no love story, never mind that last part. Instead Link looked at the man , hoping that he was here to get him out. The man smirked at Link and said:
-So we meet at last....
-Do I know you?- asked our hero.
-No, you don't , but I do. I am here to conquer the world. It was I who called the cops.
-Yer a priest or somethin?
-No. I was wandering about when I heard the priests. I saw an occasion to place you in trouble (and get 10 000 rupees from the priests).
-Who are you?

The man took a deep breath and softly said:

-I am.....Foe.
-Yes I know you are a foe, but what's your name?
- I told you , my name Foe. My full name is Foe Ennemey.
- Weird....Lemme guest, you are here to tell you are about to conquer the world using incredible powers , and I am the only one able to save the world from your terrible wrath.
- Yes how did you guess?
- I read the plot.
- Why you!
- Sadly, the author took it from me before I got to know if I got the cute princess in the end....
- ....
- What?
- So now you know there is no stopping me!
- You didnp t even do a single thing!
- .......................
- ....
- Who cares?!?! Will you save the world or not?!
- Give me a whisky and I'll consider it. Oh yeah get me out of here too.
- Deal.

So Foe freed Link from jail by using his awesome power to control the peoples (actually he bribed the guards but the story need a litle spicing up). He told many things about him, himself and Foe. But Link wasn't listening for a seconds since his whisky was talking much louder. After a few moments he felt better ( and tipsier) and began to listen to Foe.

- ...So I told a Bad Guy that it was a Gruuumshamah not a Sishirunamerk! Did you get it?
- Err....Ah ah ah ah....

Foe didn't really care anyway that Link didn't get it or not, as long as he could hear the sound of his own voice.

- What great mystical weapon prophesied by an obsure-long-forgotten-damned-doomed-dead people?
- Well I couldn't find any good weapons, excalibur is jealously held by Merlin (who isn't a bad guy), Chiuushiriden is hidden by a chinese king and the Masamune is hidden somewhere. So we'll just use the old Zelda stand-up and get the Master Sword.
- Will I get an ocarina?
- No. We'll have to use an old piano.
- A piano?!
- Yup.
- Where will I thuck in my shirt? All the space is already used up by my brand new labotary.
- Wha-? Is it true that you hide everything in your shirt?
- Everything from sand to my -12286 prototype computer that is under my house.
- Wha-? Where? Those stupid girls always give me somethin good...
- No, I wanted to say great gods, but it made less fan-fic-ish.
- Oh. So what now?
- Well I will start by fighting you and destroying your life okay?
- Okay.

Then Foe slapped Link on the cheek. Link punched Foe on the nose, low-kicked him in the groin and uppercutted him last. He then starting hoping here and there like a boxer. Foe tried to get up through great pain, and he had a nose bleed. As he got up, Link uppercutted him again and Foe fell on his back. Then Foe whispered:
-Psst...I am susposed to win...
- Wha-? Ooops....

Foe grunted , got up and started slapping him. After a few minutes Link said:
-Well, are you going to defeat me soon?
- I am trying!
- Let me do it.

Link ran up to the highest tower that he could find and jumped down.

Link woke up in a broken alley. All around was all ruins and the sky was black. He could feel all of the evil surging all around him. He then got up and left the theater. To his great dismay, nothing had changed no evil deeds had been done exept a alcohol-ban parade. Link got angry and went straight to the inn to see Foe ( straight after killing the anti-alcohol guys ). He came in and asked loudly to see Foe. As you know, in every tale there is always a bar fight in the inn when the hero(s) come in. But it was the midle of the afternoon and there wasnt any drunks just itchin to see an hero come in. He quickly learned in witch room Foe was resting. He burst in the room (sword drawn) , like a jealous husband that just learned that his wife was cheating on him with his best friends.
He found Foe alone playing cards on a nice table.
- How come you have got any evil deeds done?
- Well...
- I though we had a deal! I think I shall chop you to fine ham slices.
- ...I ran out of money. I had to pay for my room in the inn here, and I placed an ad in the Daily Hylia.
- Ad? What for?
- Minions of course! he replied proudly.

Link sighed. That nemesis needed a couple of lessons about the ropes. Link could bet that the bad guy's evil plan consisted of simply killing Link.
- Anywho, my plan is to simply kill you as said here in the script said Foe.
- Did you ever play Zelda?
- Me? No. Why?
- The you would know a litle better about the ropes. For the minions, simply send a message to the Minion Summoning Network. Now you have err...about 72 hours to play all the Zelda games, read Ganon's book "Life of a bad guy: A simple guide to conquering the world". See you then.
- Ok.

Link came more happy after that the delay was over. He had time to take a breath and now felt ready to kill Foe. He knew ( sadly ) that he would have to stop drinking 'til the end of this story. He opened the door leading inside Foe's room and found him with his black cloack on.
- Ah! My foe said the foe Foe.
- No I am Link cant you remember said the Foe's foe, who wasnt his foe yet but later Foe would be his foe.
- Ha ha ha very funny Link. Anywho I just started here doing my first bad deed.
- Oh yeah? So you finished doing all the stuff?
- Yup.
- So what is it then?
- I sent my minions to burn down the Kokiri Forest! said the pround foe ( Foe).
- Yeah so? Dont you have on in your shirt?
- Ooops?
- ...
- I have something else to tell you.
- What?
- I did another bad deed. I switched the piano for a pipebag.
- Another thing too! You know your alcool cache under your house? I tranfered it into the forest. It should burn down soon.
- And you cant do a single thing to stop me! I called the cops!
- There isnt any police invented today.
- D'oh! The guards anyhow. Yer going to jail!

It was too much for Link to bear. He was going to be arrested for killing the pro-alcool-ban guys , his alcool cache was going to burn down to smithereens and Foe would conquer the world. Our hero was now angrier than a famished lion and more beserked than a beserker. He punched Foe in the stomach and drew his sword ( with his hands not a pencil mind you ). Foe ran away in his room screaming like a 5 year old girl who was about to be shot.

You think being shot is not scary? No shot by a gun but rather by a doctor. In those the shots wasnt invented either. They had to cut off a part of your arm then drop in the liquid. And the good liquid wasnt even invented until the year 1800 or so. Scary no?

He lifted his sword decided to kill the foul fool foe Foe. But at that precise moment , a tactical attack guards team ( I told you cops didnt exist in that time ) and started screaming stuff like:

And other stuff that could be heard 124336 houses away. Link simply got mad , kicked a guard in the face ( Hey what did I do? I was just here to pick up the thrash!), broke the window, and ran away by using the door. He ran outside of town going towards the Kokiri forest.

He could see the smoke from away. He got on his donkey named Epona and got it to run the mile and half that was between the merchant town and the forest. Inside the forest Confusion was king, and Chaos was drunk. The minions that Foe had hired were trolls that had simply forgotten what they were supposed to do. So they started burning down the forest simply to see the forest temple. The kokiris , those peaceful people , tried to sooth them using catapults, arrows and sticks. Yes sticks, after all they do say "rocks and sticks will hurt my bones, words wont". Link was now purely beserk. He cried a war cry and ran towards his stash. He opened a botle of vodka and drunk it already feeling better. A troll then came and said in its foul voice:
- Give me v-v-v-drink?
- You tried to burn my stash.... said Link in a menacigly low voice.
- Give me drink?
- You will have to die for that you know...
- Give me drink? Me drink?
- I will kill you personally....
- Me wanna drink. Give me drink? Drink give me?
- Yes, now its all clear. Prepare to die!
- Giving drink now? Drink? Me?

Link snarled and then neatly cutted off the troll's head off. He threw the body outside in the fire. The trolls seeing a one of their friends dead suddenly got angry and snarled at Link. Link looked at them with red eyes ( he hadnt slept for a full day now ) and snarled at them like a banshee. The trolls wimpered and ran away. The kokiris jumped in glee , exept for one who was drunk. Then went back inside his tree house, preparing his next attack on his ennemy, Ennemeyh,Foe. War was now about. That fool would pay. He would pay for the day he had though of starring in a Zelda fanfic.
End of Part 1.

The end........?

Author's Notes

Did you like this first part of a small series of Zelda fanfics? Did you laugh? Sure, its a litle  sad that Zelda died. I didnt knew what to do with her. But she might do a come back (send in suggestions). If you are offended because of this fanfic here is what I say: If you can laugh of the things you  love, then you are One who loves to laugh, like me. Its a litle twisted for a story but I hope you like it. If you like reading this, read the following parts! If you dont, go back playing Zelda.

Suggestions, Threats, Bombed Mail, Anthrax E-Mail and Comments should be sent at